EP 8 The Currency of Love: How Money Impacts Relationships
In this conversation, Jarrod and Nikki discuss their personal values and beliefs around money and how it impacts their relationship. They explore topics such as emotional spending, experiences vs material possessions, life changes, staying on routine, rebounding after setbacks, and manifesting dreams and money. They emphasize the importance of understanding each other's beliefs about money, aligning values and goals, and having open and honest communication about finances. They also discuss the challenges of balancing personal passions and financial responsibilities. Overall, the conversation highlights the need for empathy, compromise, and ongoing dialogue in managing finances as a couple.
Takeaways:
Aligning values and goals is crucial for effective budgeting and financial management.
Emotional spending can be driven by both positive and negative emotions.
Balancing financial responsibility with enjoying life can be challenging.
Open and honest communication is essential for understanding and resolving differences in financial perspectives. Understand each other's beliefs and values about money
Align values and goals to make financial decisions
Have open and honest communication about finances
Balance personal passions and financial responsibilities
Practice empathy and compromise in managing finances as a couple
Episode Transcript:
Jarrod (00:01.582)
Hey Nik Hey. Another episode. Another episode. Another late night. I know.
Jarrod (00:08.59)
I'm cool with the late night. But you're not cool for me. No, I feel guilty. Yeah. When we start there, why do you feel guilty?
Jarrod (00:18.094)
Like I feel bad that you it's like a burden or an impacting you they're like with a full -time job and it's like interesting because like I also have a full -time job except my full -time job which we talked about we did it's just my full -time job involves me being at the house but I probably get like less quote -unquote breaks. I had one hour today to myself, but I can like kind of
Jarrod (00:46.958)
I don't know. I'm not like presenting things and not doing like work work. So it feels different. Yes, I know. But I just feel like I know how important your bedtime is to you getting in bed by like nine PM and like sleep. And I feel like this is a. I feel bad that I enjoy this a lot and I'm enjoying it. And if I.
Jarrod (01:12.878)
I'm learning to say no. If I wanted to say no, I have. I know I can. The door is open. You've left it open for me to say no. I know. I just like, you don't want let me down. I don't want let myself down. I like this. I think it's... I think it's a lot of work.
Jarrod (01:30.254)
Yeah, like it's crazy. I'm realizing like we used to have like nights kind of just free. Yeah, and it's every night. There's something going on. Yeah, which is not a bad thing. It's actually cool that we have things to do together every night. Yeah, and we're doing it together. It's not like hey, Nikki, you go do your thing in your room and I'll go do my thing over here. It's like we're doing it together. It definitely feels like work.
Jarrod (01:55.406)
Except my favorite part is this part, right? Yeah, but the rest of it. This is what I hated when I had my own podcast But now you got an editor full -time editor. Yeah Well, we have no idea if this video is working Yeah, I think it's just trying we have to we have to keep it's a consistency and learning and evolving and getting better. Yeah.
Jarrod (02:23.918)
I got some mentorship from someone. They said, hey, a year from now you should look back at this And damn, that was crappy. And we were not good at this. Well, I'm hoping a year from now we don't have four lights hanging from windows and have a pillowcase. And we did put a pillowcase because we saw people having shades over their lamps. So we decided, you know what? We can do that. We can put a pillowcase over it and it will create the same effect. You know what? Cool.
Jarrod (02:51.822)
I was actually thinking about something you just said about it's something we can do together and that's really awesome, right? It's an activity. And then I was thinking about an activity that we do not do together. Well, we have different viewpoints on the activity. Which is? What do you think it is? I can go a lot of ways with this. Budgeting. Oh, cool. And financials. We should talk about that. Yeah. I was thinking about it because we were talking about it over dinner.
Jarrod (03:21.646)
I just, we have different values in regards to.
Jarrod (03:29.486)
But I it comes back to what we talked about previously. Is my mental load as a father is financial security. Those kind of go together, right? So making sure we're always in a good position.
Jarrod (03:46.158)
And it's hard for me because I live in both worlds. I'm a very present person, so I'm not here to save all the time, but I don't want to put us in a challenging position because we also have a lot of bad things that we align to on future goals. So the hard thing is goals alignment and sometimes value alignment. And because, let me continue my love back to your mother mental is a lot around the kids. Right.
Jarrod (04:09.294)
So most of your financial spending is just like, okay, the kids are saying, oh, we're at the store. They want a toy. I'm going to get a freaking toy. Yeah, I think they need new clothes. Let's get new clothes. Right. Well, sometimes they out grow them. No, I know what I'm saying. Like a lot of it's not like you're spending aimlessly on random. I did see that a Chanel bag is 10 grand. Yeah, that it used to be $2 ,000. But it also goes back to the way. That's a long ways away.
Jarrod (04:38.766)
But I also think back to how your brain operates. It's like, oh, I think of an idea, I think something, I could buy it. And it's so easy now to do that. Amazon, one click. And you think, and I think what I've tried to explain to you is even the $25, those little things, they add up to a lot over time. You don't think in the day you spend that much money. I'm curious if I was working a full -time job. Yeah.
Jarrod (05:05.422)
what my viewpoint on money would be because I was like actively making it. I was seeing it.
Jarrod (05:13.838)
And so I think I have a different viewpoint on it because one of the reasons why maybe I think I was asked you to have more visibility so you can see it. Yeah, what you haven't done yet. Well, have you gone back to the spreadsheet that you said is the most amazing thing ever? When I did it, did you ever look at it once? I shared it with you. How many times did you look at it? Zero. Here's Jarrod thing he's like, he keeps trying to start these budgeting things and then like, I know, I was working really well. We actually were doing really well with it. And then look what happened.
Jarrod (05:43.342)
And then we, yeah, we did. So let's, let's talk about, I think this is a big topic because I see a gajillion.
Jarrod (05:51.502)
Instagram reels of like, it's so funny because it's very stereotypical where it's like, there's one person in the family who's a spender and there's one person in the family who's not. And it's typically like women and men. And I just see these videos of these like men, like just sitting at a desk and are like sitting at the kitchen counter and they're like looking at the computer and like they look at little captions says something about budgeting and like the wife sneaks behind with like nine shopping bags. Yeah. Amazon boxes, boxes, right. And.
Jarrod (06:21.456)
I like so many of friends that we just send these back and forth through each other because it's so real. It's like so realistic. So We can't be like people talking about money. No, for sure, but I think like understanding where this they are our ideals about money come from I think money's kind of a taboo topic a lot of people don't like to talk about money
Jarrod (06:46.542)
I'm curious what it breaking it down in terms of like the financial breadwinner and the the all the other things Yeah, so just I was thinking we could open the conversation. Yeah, think it's been opened Yeah. Yeah, so we want to go to you start I think it's here and tell me about your history with money
Jarrod (07:16.302)
Well, I think my history with money is, I mean, I wish I got more education early on. Like, I don't know if you're born a certain way, but like, I was never taught how to save, the importance of saving, right? I was given, you know, it was like our thing in our family, like.
Jarrod (07:35.534)
grandparents always gave you the money and I would and then your parents go go find the thing to spend it on not go save it for something bigger you want spent so when I got money I went and figured out how to spend it and I think it's carried over into how I've been when obviously when you make more money you spend more money, right? You're not thinking I never had a long -term view right until the first time was really good We're gonna get a house. That was like the first time I was like because what I about a ring? Yeah
Jarrod (08:04.462)
I guess a little bit with the ring back then. Is it echoey? That's fine. Okay. Back then when I was thinking of getting a ring, because we have all this other responsibility, I was in sales, I was making a lot of money. Yeah. It wasn't actually like... That's stressful. It wasn't that stressful to get to the point where I could buy a ring and I wasn't stressed about it. Yeah. Right. At that point, now it's different. Kids, whoa.
Jarrod (08:30.542)
House, mortgage, cars. All things that come with the house. All things that come with the house. Kids with special needs. You don't understand the extra money that comes with that, right? Right? And you just, you still operate and haven't changed your mindset around it. And you, you know, we've always said like, we both trust that we're never going go down in income we're only going to increase. But if you can't learn, what I'm trying to do is learn based off what we make, how to live comfortably.
Jarrod (09:01.102)
Right versus, oh, we'll just make more money than we're gonna spend more money. Right? I want to write. I want to write things down. You talk.
Jarrod (09:11.374)
because I went back manifesting. It was really great.
Jarrod (09:29.006)
Thanks.
Jarrod (09:33.934)
Okay, what? Yeah, where you're at?
Jarrod (09:44.878)
Go for a break.
Jarrod (09:48.11)
the sound.
Jarrod (09:55.566)
So I think knowing when you're at a certain point how to spend and be and live comfortably there and know how to like know how much money you make, know what's going out, know what's coming in and as money comes and you get more money, you'll have the skillset. Like we haven't had, we haven't learned the skillset of we think we make more money so we can spend more money and we're not like tracking it. And I'm trying to get better at changing my mindset on that for.
Jarrod (10:22.606)
I say longer term thinking, but like, Hey, can we live within what we make and not put ourselves in to go into debt? And how do I learn that skill? So that's a skill I continue to carry on as we continue do a lot of things. We have a lot of goals and views. I think our misalignment at times is we have these goals for a longterm thinking.
Jarrod (10:42.542)
But then our current, how do we spend now, not are always aligned to getting to those goals. Taking notes, take notes, everything he's saying. So if you can hear, if you can hear a marker I could not find a pen.
Jarrod (10:58.99)
She's writing emotional spending. Yeah. Yeah. So I think I think it's that I mean we started to do a good job of like the document definitely helps But then like we haven't done this as well as we were doing for a little bit on like Sundays like what what's going out this week? I mean know for sure Yeah, and I think we tried to have more conversations like hey, what are we spending like my values a lot and now you're which is cool You're getting you're getting a line to it is
Jarrod (11:24.782)
Like I spend a lot on supplements and health stuff, right? And you're like, well, that's what you value. I value this stuff over here. So what's the difference, right? What's the difference in me spending for that if you want to spend for this, right? Right. So I can't say it. I used to have the thinking of, well, I'm trying to take care of my health so I can be here long -term. Yeah.
Jarrod (11:43.758)
Isn't that better than what you value and I think that that's not a good way to look at it. Well, we had there was a I can't remember what it was about but it was something that I wanted to buy. This was a long time ago. Do you remember this? Like I wanted to buy something and It was not supported in terms of buying it
Jarrod (12:03.886)
And I brought up like where you're spending money whether it's fantasy football drafts golfing supplements like different thing books like how many fucking books? Oh my god I mean, this is just nothing. This is nothing one day. There will be a whole wall. There'll be a library I I still like the paperbacks, but I okay moving on okay, so you know value system and this was a conversation we had years ago about
Jarrod (12:33.84)
your values versus my values and like how we want to spend money. And so something that has come up just recently is about our backyard. And so we have about an acre of land, almost. Three quarters. Three quarters of an acre. And it...
Jarrod (12:50.67)
was Pax's yard. It was meant for Pax. There is, um, we built an eight thousand dollar fence for him. Yes. So he had his own yard. Yes. And then he left us. Okay. So there's some stuff out there, but it's really, it's not been well maintained. It's not kid friendly at all. And so we, for years, the years that we've lived here, we've wanted to do something in the yard, but it's never really been a big priority until the kids are now at the age that they are where.
Jarrod (13:20.654)
They're literally asking us to go outside all the time. And with Jake's, like some of Jake's characteristics, like I come along with being autistic, are elopement. And what elopement means is running, just out of fun. He's like, I wanna go. He just takes off and he doesn't always respond to his name. And so me taking both kids to the park, I feel paralyzed to go. And then I feel trapped in the house. So.
Jarrod (13:46.158)
Coming back to values is that getting a backyard with a place that was of the utmost importance to me so that I could feel better as a mom in terms of like playing with my kids. They're not just on their screens and I had more to give them whereas for you, although it was important. It was something that you wanted. It wasn't like a deep deep deep mine was get rid of our debt, right? First right before we do that, right? Which we did? it? No?
Jarrod (14:15.79)
Yes, we did. And then we heard. of it. Some of And then it came back up. Some of it. Listen people, credit cards, they are fluid. We got rid of some of it, but again, we're going to invest in this backyard, which if we did the other, if we paid off debt, we would pay it, we could pay all of it off. Like we hit it once, we can hit it again. But I also want that back here and I want it for you. Right. Right. Based off the other conversation that we had last time of that, home is my sanctuary.
Jarrod (14:43.534)
Like this is where I am all the time with the kids where you go to an office. Right. Right. So I'm here. Like this place is very important to me. Right. And I have the kids here and they all want they want to go outside and they want to play. It's getting nice out and we want to have a space for them to go. And I do too, even on like the weekends that we can just go outside. We want to make a space that we want to enjoy. Like it's there's so much potential in it. Right. So it's like.
Jarrod (15:08.846)
So what finally clicked for you to be like, okay, because like I was begging and like pleading like what, I mean, we got a great price for like the first stage, right? So that was probably the first part, but like, what was the change for you to be like, okay, I can see it from somebody else's perspective, I'm willing to. I think a lot of us growing in.
Jarrod (15:33.806)
Me not putting my values ahead of your values and putting again back to emotional intelligence putting myself in your position, right? Putting myself where all right. What would that be like if I was home all day and I had the kids and I couldn't take them to the park? And feeling trapped at home and feeling I'm guilt and shame that I'm not getting my kids outside I know how important is for them to get energy out and how all this sounds like okay like
Jarrod (15:59.886)
And again, I truly believe and we both know this, we're going to continue to grow our income and make money. And that I'm not worried. I just don't want it to keep climbing, but I know it's not the position we're in forever. But what I said earlier,
Jarrod (16:15.982)
was I feel like we, I and we have still not learned to manage what we make now to not put ourselves in more debt. Do you think some people have? What? Like, obviously we've known people in our past who've been like good with money. Yeah, I just like the investing. It's just not like a high interest of mine. Right. So maybe that's part of it, right? It's like, how do we find something that is interesting that keeps well for me.
Jarrod (16:42.446)
It's reaching a goal. So that we can buy it. Guess what I was reading about yesterday with ADHD. It's so fascinating. So you asked me, you said, okay, we'll move forward with the backyard. Okay. But you can, we can not spend any other money. Like, I mean, beyond the standard stuff. Right. So I said, okay, I'm in. How's that going? No, this is what I want to tell you. So the thing about ADHD and my brain.
Jarrod (17:12.557)
is that that goal is too far out. So they say, you know, think big picture. I think too much big picture, but like I need immediate.
Jarrod (17:23.502)
gratification, right? And so that, although it's like, it's too far out. It's not even that far away. No, but it was originally supposed to be this past month and it ended up being another six to eight weeks. And so it's not like juicy enough. It's not motivating enough. So looking at that for myself, recognizing like I wanted to change my habits too.
Jarrod (17:46.734)
But I did not follow through with that and like that wasn't on you for not staying on top of my spending it was like how can I remind myself that this upcoming is worth me not swiping the credit card? So i'm like, okay now that I know and do you see them as two separate two completely separate things do you even does that even come into mind and thought When you're purchasing something no
Jarrod (18:12.782)
Yeah, that's the thing too. It's like those are two separate things. Well, I think I think I'm like, oh, the backyard is coming, but I feel like it's not. I'm not stressed about it. And like I am saying this, I recognize how much privilege I have by saying what I'm talking about is that I can go to Target and can go buy little shorts for Sydney because like I think they're cute while also knowing that this project is coming. Yeah, it's like I.
Jarrod (18:37.582)
I think being a impulsive thinker, like you said, like I'm just going to go and I'm going to go do something. I don't always think before I do. And then what I found a lot, which is what you've noticed is like I'll buy and then return. Because I sometimes will just like literally buy. It gives me like, that is when you do that to understand, okay, net, how much did I spend? I know. Which is, so my mom, when I was growing up, she had
Jarrod (19:07.536)
had envelopes of cash that were in her safe that she would put money away every single week. She put cash in these envelopes from me, like Nikki going to the movies with friends to like vacations and everything. My mom is so good. She learned it all to do herself. I really should, we should pick a bright of it. Anyways.
Jarrod (19:27.854)
I lived on cash. I didn't get a debit card or anything until I was in college. I can do that for you. That's all I was going to say. And you've said this too before, having a budget and being told this is how much that we can spend, that's helpful. Because then I can be like, I spent $20 here, I got an $8 this. That's helpful. But having it just out there in the cloud, I have no fucking idea.
Jarrod (19:55.086)
I have no idea. Okay, wait, let's talk about emotional spending since I wrote that down. So there's a couple of people on Instagram that are like these financial coaches that specifically talk about emotional spending. Like, you know, some people like emotionally eat, some people like emotionally like drink, like they do habits that are not necessarily the best, but it's a way that it gives the dopamine, right? So I've been really thinking about that, that...
Jarrod (20:22.702)
Emotional spending but like emotional spending doesn't have to just be like what I'm feeling down. I want to go pamper myself It's also like I'm feeling really good. Sure. I'm gonna go spend money and not necessarily think about My spending habits what your thoughts on emotional spending? No, I totally get it. I don't have that but I totally understand it I know like when I feel that there's certain things I want to go do right when I feel good But I feel like you have like very seldom That's like not the word
Jarrod (20:52.622)
I feel like you have very specific interests, at least the ones that I know of, like you haven't shared with me if there's like... They have secret ones. No, like there's ones that you'd be really interested in going to do, but you haven't shared that with My biggest thing is experiences. Favorite thing. So can we go on vacation? Not because of the backyard, no. And that's what you've been bringing up tonight. I really want to go on a vacation trip.
Jarrod (21:20.654)
Do you want a backyard or do you want to go on vacation? And the answer is yes, Jarrod. Yes. And then I do feel that guilt because I also know, this is the hard part for me, is that you're at home all the time, you're doing this, and that would be nice, and I know you want to get out and be away from this place for a little bit. So that's what I have a hard time with is that I want to go see you. Yeah, of course, I want to go on vacation too, but then...
Jarrod (21:46.254)
I don't want to be there on vacation not enjoying it because I'm worried about money. But do you think like about that when you're actually there or do you kind of like, okay, we're already doing this? No, you know me like if I'm in a you know, what is that? I love like, yes, I would say my spending like my when I feel really good. I want to go out to dinner to like a good dinner, right? And that cost a couple hundred bucks when we're going to dinner and that's like, and you're like, Jarrod, do we talk about this? I'm like, it's
Jarrod (22:10.734)
You know, that's so my emotional value. Yeah, my wish is ready is like usually when I'm not not I feel like bad I don't mostly spend it's only when I'm feeling good. I want to go do like keep the high up but feeling really good okay so that actually reminds me of what you said earlier about like when grandparents give you money and Like what that feeling? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's nothing. It's carried over to that right? You know, it's too like when I get figured a bonus everything like we're rich again No, it's going to the debt, but I'm trying to like keep a little over here so we can
Jarrod (22:40.688)
have a nice dinner or do something, go to a concert or it is experiences for me. And then it's like, yeah, and most of it is like, I spend most of my money on books, health, like I spend most of my money on supplements. And then like we want quality food in our house. Like I love cooking. So, you know, we spend a lot of money on groceries and getting the right food and healthy food for us. And I enjoy that. Like, well, that's changing now too. Yeah. And so.
Jarrod (23:09.486)
For me, it's really those things really and experiences. So it's not like, like I would love to get an ice bath, but I'm like, I don't have to go get, you know. Listen, listen, I bought you a blow up ice bath. It's hard when it's this hot, it's impossible to get it cold. But like I, you've literally used it. Probably 10 times. It's Jake's pool. Yeah, but which is great too, which we can use it. It's getting hot out.
Jarrod (23:35.918)
What's Sydney's gonna lose? Anyways, so that's really interesting. Okay, I want to come back to a couple of things that you brought up. So life changes, I wrote down, and staying on the routine. So we've brought up a couple of times that you have tried budgeting in the past or have tried to create systems that would work for our family and they don't work. This last one was, I just, I, okay. So what I was thinking about was the fact that what was,
Jarrod (24:05.872)
big change that happened in between you starting that and where we are now? I think I forgot I was like, I don't what the answer is. So I was a rhetorical question. True question. What were you going to say? I going to feel like we went away or something. I don't remember. Not left this place. So no, we have gone You've gone away. You want to go on through that? I really did.
Jarrod (24:27.758)
I felt like there's a lot of weeks where I like was on the weekend. I think maybe this happened. So the podcast got the answer right. So over the weekend in the past, that's what we had a lot more like, I don't know if you've noticed.
Jarrod (24:40.11)
I've noticed the house is even in more disarray than normal. Like throughout the week, it becomes very tornado and like right? And there's stuff, there's like, okay, there's kind of like stuff everywhere. But over the last few weeks, it's become even more because the small time that I have available to myself, I'm working on my own things. And so like those sheets that were washed two weekends ago that are still sitting there or the clothes in the hamper or like the, it,
Jarrod (25:10.064)
There's boxes there's things there's just a lot of stuff. So to that point our weekends they used to be where that like Sydney's nap you'd be doing the budget, right? So now that it's either cleaning or podcast, right? Right. So great point. So what I was curious about right is like
Jarrod (25:28.654)
We've also talked about the very first thing that you brought up when we were beginning this conversation is about consistency and keeping on that consistent track is really the key. Okay. So same with financials. So, but how do we, it's like, okay, you know, when people eat, they say, like, don't throw away a bad day. Like, like if you've eaten, you had a big breakfast that,
Jarrod (25:58.608)
I hop and you had like 90 pancakes and then you're like Waffle house since we're in Georgia. Okay waffle house and you're like I'll fuck it. I'm just gonna eat shitty the rest of the day, right? No, like you can it's okay So how do you rebound back for that? So I'm curious like what your thoughts are I'm like, how do you get back on track after you? one have had things that have gotten in the way and to expand even more to be able to manage
Jarrod (26:28.334)
not only this responsibility that you have, and when I'm saying you, I'm not like directly meaning you. I'm saying like to people, like how do we manage the responsibilities while also doing things we're passionate about and making sure that we can stay like on the... Yeah, stay consistent. I think, I mean, I love habits and routines built in, so...
Jarrod (26:55.374)
I think continuing for us, because we do a really good job planning and we're still getting better at like when we're going to do this. What does each night entail? It's like on the weekends, like is it. One morning that.
Jarrod (27:07.566)
I'm always going to do that at the same time. That's how it was before I do it. feel bad because just like I feel bad about you staying up later to do this podcast. bad about that. I'm asking you. You feel bad because I've been watching the kids. Yeah. So it's really challenging. But both those things could align because it could be that way. It could be like, all right, Nick.
Jarrod (27:26.926)
You could sleep in, come down at 10 o 'clock, but then from 10 to 11, let me go focus on budget. Yeah, that's true. And dial that all in. So I think it's just, it's back to the communication, what we need, right? Because that's a value for both of us. Yeah. Right. And that's what it is. Again, back to the last episode, I value you getting that time for yourself. So we're aligned on that value and hopefully you're aligned to us being in a financially good place. So that's not feel like Jarrod's getting free time away from the kids again. It's
Jarrod (27:56.88)
always helping our family. So if we're aligned on that, then you wouldn't feel bad like, all right, Jarrod it's gonna be the next hour to get everything input, dial in the budget, those things like that. So I think that'll help. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. I think that was really helpful. You're so welcome. Wonderful question. The question to further it was like, what advice would you give to couples to begin that process? But before, because I think we'll end with that. Well, I think...
Jarrod (28:26.382)
Blah, blah, blah. I was about to say, but before we get to that, I have one other question, but maybe you go ahead. Ladies first. You go first. No.
Jarrod (28:42.51)
Whoever speaks first, jinx You spoke tonight. Well, my question was back to the manifesting piece. So this made me think about a compliment that you received just recently that it was said that everything you've manifested has come true. And it has. And like, a lot of that in regards to your career, but I would also say in areas of your personal life as well. But, um,
Jarrod (29:11.182)
how let's talk about like I'm a daydreamer like I'm like already living there. That's right. I'm already in that. I'm killing it. We're loaded. Yeah. And then I look at the like Instagram Reels. Oh God. Anyways. You're special. So back to the question. I think.
Jarrod (29:41.646)
Like how, we've talked about this in another episode, but I really would like to just break it down again. Like.
Jarrod (29:49.742)
You said you've been full control of your future and of the money that you will be making. And we also do know that whatever will be OK one day. Right. So we're OK right now. I know. But talk to us about manifesting dreams, money. Yeah. Well, I think most I'm still working on coming from a place of lack versus abundance. And that's where I'm like, I sometimes I focus my meditation that if I'm focused on what I don't have, then that's what will be in front of me.
Jarrod (30:19.696)
I see if I'm worried that we don't have enough money or all those things then That's the situation we'll be in so I think I'm sorry. I have to just ask a question Okay, ADHD just popped in for me. Her name is scribble scribble scribble's here. So I was just thinking that I find it really fascinating that I think it's really fascinating that your whole idea you're like esoteric viewpoint on life in regards to like
Jarrod (30:49.616)
the soul's purpose and like that we're really just not even in these bodies. We're just like floating around little clouds. I don't think that's how I would describe it, but yes. And do you have a tie to capitalism and to a financial dollar? Yeah, that's what's really hard for me because I'm I clearly understand that we created this construct and thought of money, the human beings like it never it didn't we made it like it's a freaking piece of paper. It's a number on a screen. Yeah. And we
Jarrod (31:19.118)
Contribute value to that which is just if you really think about that like a piece of paper that has a president on it, but that's that's valuable Yeah, and so That I know that like if read the book Sapiens that's like it talks about how the construct of money ever came to be and how we created value around it and like So I know that I'm like
Jarrod (31:43.822)
And I could live in a little motor home and be the happiest man. Look, you and your setup right now in this room would work perfectly. But I would be fine. But I also like things. No, let's be real, Jarrod. I could. As a Libra, one of your values is beauty. Yes. You like very nice But I think beauty is not have to buy things for beauty. I know. But you also like really like your cole haan shoes haunches.
Jarrod (32:12.078)
I like them because you bought them, but I would never have them for myself. Yes, you're like, the first thing you said, I was like, oh, these people have them at work. They're so cool. Yeah, they're cool. And I look good in them. I'm not going to lie. I wear them a lot. And I am grateful. But I would never, you know me, I would never go buy those things for myself. Unless you bought them. I would not have those shoes unless you bought them. I would have stuck with my Aldo's, I had six different colors. They're like $35 a piece. And I was wearing those every single day. No, no diss to Aldo. Aldo, Aldo.
Jarrod (32:40.398)
I love you. You've been great to me. I've stepped up again. See? You like that. I do like that, but it's this idea of money. I hate that I'm wrapped around it and it has some control over me. And that's what I'm fighting on a day day basis where I'm like, well, fine. Like we're gonna, I never wore like deep down. I'm not worried at all.
Jarrod (33:05.902)
I just want, I think it's more that I'm upset with myself that I haven't been able to master this thing. That I like, like back to control, like I feel I'm not in control of it. And I don't like that feeling of not being in control of it. That goes to a lot of childhood things, you know, and it plays out in money that I just like, I can't get a grasp of it. And that's, and I, because I'm not interested in it, because I think back to my esoteric piece, I'm like, it's just fricking money.
Jarrod (33:32.014)
where a lot of people are like, no, I need to make as much and have as much in the bank account can as possible. And that makes me... That's my identity. That's my identity. That makes me special and all those things. Like, I don't even care about that. I really don't care about that at all.
Jarrod (33:44.558)
But it's hard not to be when you're surrounded by a lot, it pulls you in, right? So that makes it really, really challenging. So I'm on this line of the human experience, which we want to talk about. So, but to me, it's like, if I didn't think about it, like I would love that. Like I'm not trying to build the biggest bank. I just want us to be able to live a comfortable life and have experiences. Yeah. What I've always said to you is like, I want us to be able to like not aimlessly spend, but like if we want to go do something to have an experience and do it that we can not even have to think about it. And like if we need
Jarrod (34:14.511)
Fridge breaks, you know, we can just do it that we're in a great position It sucks that you have to have a certain level job and make sure my income to have that ability frustrates me And I'm but I really hard you but at the end of day like, you know us sometimes my parents your parents Asked me when you get a raise and I'm like, I don't even I don't even think about that I'm like am I doing good in my job and am I making large enough impact and I believe am I?
Jarrod (34:44.432)
am right now. So like, to me, the money comes if I make broader impact, the byproduct of that.
Jarrod (34:50.862)
is more money coming to me. Can I tell you a story? I love stories. Okay. So my dad told me this story when I was a kid and I've always thought about it. It has to do with money. So there was a couple, they lived in New York City and they collected art and they loved art so much. But they lived in this tiny little apartment. So the art like literally was starting to overflow the apartment. They had art in the ovens and the microwaves like hidden all over the place. They didn't have any money. They were really just collecting things that they loved and they thought were beautiful. One day,
Jarrod (35:20.816)
They found out that all of their art was worth millions and millions and millions of dollars. It was all taken to a museum and So the point of the story is is like doing something that you love will lead to money, right? And I think about that when it comes to like consistency or like even as we were just sitting here talking right now was like we just have to even with all the chaos of getting this started even before it's like you just have to keep going because
Jarrod (35:50.736)
that point money is not a passion of mine so I'd rather spend that time doing something that fulfills me right but our world and the construct we build I have to have I have to think about that and that frustrates me yeah but I have to think about that and I have to think about education for our kids and I have to feel even like there's more pressure even more like you know I thinking as I took sitting to the dentist today like because you are in a corporate role and I'm not I'm in entrepreneurship
Jarrod (36:20.656)
nor I do not have health benefits. I do not have any of that. If anything was to ever happen, we don't have that support for Jake. So it's really, it is a very frustrating, I think there's even a stronger word probably of just how inaccessible. It's f'd up, bro. It's f'd up. Yeah, you said This explicit podcast. Yeah, we click the explicit button. Sydney literally said f' to our hairdresser guy. Yeah.
Jarrod (36:49.23)
So I don't think she knew what she was saying. But she probably just heard her mom say it a lot. Anyways, what was I saying? Your potty mouth. You know, you're saying how this is all. I mean, I just feel so I do just want to like say it. I feel so grateful. Yeah, I do. What a great position. But thank you very much for being as consistent as you.
Jarrod (37:15.47)
Have been to have risen from a place that you didn't always love the job But you put your head down you worked hard and then you found a way to enjoy it even more make more impact And then now you're in the place that you're in you work really hard to get there and just to finish like i'm really grateful for the off things that we need like a the potty consultant call that we have on thursday like we can I can you can do those things we can do those things because of the
Jarrod (37:45.424)
that you put in. And that's also very hard for me because I feel like I'm in this weird thing where I like can't, I don't, first I don't want to ask. Like that's like, it's apparent. So like, and then it's a reminder that I'm not being a financial contributor. But then also it's like this like loop of just, I lost my train of thought again. Okay.
Jarrod (38:15.15)
Oh, so like being frustrated like when you go and travel or for work, right? Like it's like so like you feel like you have those two worlds where like I don't like care about money, but I know I have to make it for me. It's where like I
Jarrod (38:35.694)
wish that he could be more here and dealing with this shit stuff that I'm dealing with, but I also know he has to be going to do that stuff because I wouldn't have any of this shit stuff over here without that. So it can get really complicated for me. It makes complete sense. So where'd you want to bring this home with the Well, I think ultimately what I got from...
Jarrod (38:59.342)
This is a weekly conversation of us continuing to check in with each other and recognizing not only your lack of interest, but your interest in managing it better is important to you, where it's not important to me, but me thinking about that. And then you have already compromised in the sense of I want to give those things because of my needs.
Jarrod (39:29.296)
I want to wrap this whole thing up in is like, what is our takeaways today? Like, what do we want to tell people about understanding their personal values around money and like their values within life and how they want to spend money? And how to have that conversation with their partner, having more empathy and like, really how to build that. I think it's how you started the conversation. It's like, first thing to understand what's your belief around money.
Jarrod (39:58.926)
as individuals. Like what do you think about money? Do you think it's how are you raised with it? Are you coming from a place of lack, coming from a place of abundance, coming from a place of save everything because you never know what's going to happen. Like you need to know each person's where they stand currently against money because those are in a conflict unless you're completely aligned. But if you haven't had that conversation because that's taboo, it should not be. And every relationship is different. Some people have separate accounts, especially if there's two people that are making money that their stuff separate and they have
Jarrod (40:28.078)
and they all the bills they both contribute to it like some couples still do that stuff so it's really where you at but I think if if you're thinking about
Jarrod (40:35.854)
It's our money. That's how I look at it's not my money. This is our money that I that I bring into our family and we need to make decisions around it. Can I just add one thing about this exact thing? I read a post. There's an account. I told you about her today. Mother Untitled on Instagram and her last quote literally said, God, I wish I could have my phone for a second. You can't because it's partly recording. But it said that in essence is that even though my role is unpaid, I
Jarrod (41:05.808)
I am still contributing to the household, which means that it is a shared income. And so even though I may not, but you would not be able to go travel for four days for work if I wasn't here to be with the kids. So there are things that...
Jarrod (41:20.622)
It's just our role in society about mothers who are at the at -home parent who are not bringing in money is that it's not a job where it is. So I've become more comfortable with the idea of it being a shared income based off of things that I am doing, knowing though that you are the one who is driving it in. I just wanted to have that caveat. Thank you. I appreciate that. But I think back to what I was saying, understanding where each of you are coming from.
Jarrod (41:50.576)
our own money.
Jarrod (41:52.59)
Aligning to what does money mean to us? What do we want to do with it? What do we value? Right? What are our goals? Because your values and goals might misalign which ours have at moments like because values are how we're making decisions and now most of the time or goals are what we're striving for and those can compete against each other at times so understanding what you value because I you know and this might be something we create as well as like a values exercise, but how you know for you know the way to assess
Jarrod (42:22.478)
If you are in alignment with your partner in values, the easiest way to know how aligned are we to our values is time and money.
Jarrod (42:31.822)
Where are we spending our time and what are we spending our money on and are we off? Like that's the easiest way to know and make adjustments in the way you're operating with how do we spend our time? How do we spend our money? Easy way to look at that, look at your calendars. I have people look at their calendars and then go open your bank account or your Amazon's and go, I value this, this, this and this, but I'm not spending any money on those things. I'm spending money on other things. So that actually helps you realign and go, all right, well, these are the things we value. What should we be spending on?
Jarrod (43:00.654)
And then what money do we not need to spend on these things? Like that's how I, you we can look at things is go, hey, we can take 200 out of that for a month and put it here. Cause this is something we actually value more. Like we want to go out to dinner and have date night more often. Cause we probably value that more than, I don't know, something else. Like.
Jarrod (43:26.702)
a fricking new kitchen equipment. I don't know. But like, we're fine. I have enough kitchen equipment. I can make food, right? Like that's not, both of us, that would be more me. Right? You know, that would be more me thinking about that. Right? So, but if we want to have more, yeah, that'd be great. But what do we take away from, to put towards something we value more and aligned to that. So I think it's, those things are really important and then you need to have a habit of a conversation.
Jarrod (43:53.774)
I mean that's something we do every week. Even though the money is not as much, we do have a meeting every What do we have to spend this week? What's crucial? What's important? Do we need to buy that now? We've had that kind of discussion, like that can wait. We don't need that now. It's not a must have right now. Maybe that's something I can do, is when I want to have an impulsive buy. You started, you told me the other day I got really impulsive. I write it down. I brought them just went and bought them. No, I wanted that coffee thing that goes underneath the coffee maker. That's true. Yeah, that's like all right.
Jarrod (44:23.728)
We can't wait if we're thinking about that then this month. Let's take away from here and then maybe that goes to that Yeah, right. So I think it's it's
Jarrod (44:30.926)
Back to communication, we always talk about it. It's like, you've got to be honest and transparent and put it all on the table. And the partners though have to be receptive to hear the other party's perspective. Yeah, and not think their perspective is the right way. So like imagine if it was somebody who did not, like I said, like, oh, I want to buy this thing and the other partner's like, that's fucking stupid. Like, why would And I used to think about that. Right. I used to buy one person that was like, dude, why do you want to buy a purse? Right?
Jarrod (44:55.662)
No, like you had like that was something you wanted to like you wanted to buy right and you was anything I'm like, I think that's what it was. Yes Yeah, and I was like, what are we talking about? But like I that's not fair for me to judge that if that's something you value I have you're my partner and I love you So I might not agree with it, but I can't say that you're wrong and I'm right Yeah, that doesn't make sense unless it's impacting us in a great financial way, right? No, but if we're like, all right then if that's
Jarrod (45:25.616)
something you value like I value things that I want to buy right that's like all right then we each want to save and think about how each of us can buy that purchase that means something to us if we care about each other we want us to get things that are important to us yeah so I think it's important well I think this was enlightening I think about what I go by tomorrow cool hope you think about that every day text me no because well what's your response gonna be why do we need it?
Jarrod (45:55.342)
Why is a closed ended I'm just question. What about this is interesting for you? Hmm. Yeah, remember to ask be curious. I think this this this here. Oh, okay. What about if we did this? Yeah, so I'll just send a picture of the backyard. All right, you guys. Thanks for listening. See next week. See ya.