EP 5: How Your Beliefs About Yourself Hold You Back And What You Can Do About It
In this episode Nikki and Jarrod Sammet discuss where our belief systems come from, how our conditioning and daily thoughts impact our beliefs and our ability to achieve our goals. We also talk about Internal Family Systems therapy and the importance of labeling your parts in order to break through your limiting beliefs to build a new identity and relationship with yourself.
What You’ll Learn:
Examples of beliefs and how they impact our growth
Are things planned or do we have choices?
How to uncover & change your core beliefs
How to avoid overwhelm when going after new goals
A tried & true system on manifesting
Building habits and a clear identity
How to stay consistent when life gets in the way
Internal Family Systems and why labeling our “parts” can be so powerful
Building a relationship with yourself is the most important relationship of all
EP 5: Transcript
Jarrod Sammet (00:13.774)
back to over dinner.
Jarrod Sammet (00:16.974)
I'm the lead host, star of the show, Jarrod Sammet. I have my admin, I guess, Nikki. Hey, Nik. She's back. I couldn't say those jokes earlier, but maybe she's just faking it because we're on a podcast. I don't fake anything. That's what she said. That's why I said that. I know. What do want talk about, Nik? I don't know. I you had something in your phone that you wrote down or something. What do I want to talk about?
Jarrod Sammet (00:46.222)
Look at your father. Yeah, it's some notes. No, okay so wide range of things talk about I think tonight is what's coming up is belief systems and social media and I like the belief system stuff Okay
Jarrod Sammet (01:05.006)
Cool. Where do I go? I literally just wrote something down. So I was just thinking, I was using the restroom. I don't know why come up, but like a belief is something we believe is always true. Like if you believe something, you believe that that is always true. What is, what to you is a belief? A belief is something, that's why I said it's, that means that whatever you have, whatever that belief is, it's just always true in every situation.
Jarrod Sammet (01:33.774)
That's my belief. So give me an example. So I believe what's like a belief you have? That the internet is too saturated. I could never be a successful blogger. So if you believe that is true, then you believe that is always true. There's never a time where that can't be true because you believe it. Right. Does that make sense? And where does that come from? Obviously past things. But then my next thing was like you believe every moment.
Jarrod Sammet (02:04.11)
is a new moment. Like is it a new thing that's happening? I do or you do? Like that's what do you do. Do you agree with that? Like this is a new moment. That's a new moment. Like it's all new moments back. I struggle with that idea because I try to, for example, today's situation to just bring.
Jarrod Sammet (02:24.878)
clarity to what I'm talking about is our son had to have an observation from a person in determining how much facilitation he was going to need in a summer camp. So much support he was going to need. And it didn't go well just because Jake wasn't feeling well. There's like a lot of reasons why it didn't got go in our in the way that maybe we'd hoped for it to go. However, the way that I spin this is thinking,
Jarrod Sammet (02:54.832)
He wasn't supposed to go there anyways, like it meant it was that the universe or whatever is orchestrated He was supposed to get sick this day He was supposed to show up like this. She was supposed to come on this day because it was someone saying to me He wasn't supposed to go there. Let's close that door. Let's open something else. So like to me I
Jarrod Sammet (03:15.47)
Connect things a lot. I don't think that everything's new So like for example if we've had an argument But we have then repaired after the argument. We're in a better space than we were before So it's a new moment, but we are with that moment We're only in a better place though because that thing had happened. Yeah, but that's not but then This new moment is a new moment anything could happen. I could go back and do that thing old thing again, right?
Jarrod Sammet (03:45.294)
Okay, fine. That wasn't the best example, but I'm just saying I connect dots, right? So people say if you change one thing, you change everything. So like if you had not gone to Chapman, if I had not moved back from Arizona and I had not worked with Ryan, then I, you could break it down to the next, if I took one wrong step in one direction, we might've never met.
Jarrod Sammet (04:08.27)
I know that's all possible. That's a thing. So then my sometimes I believe that it's planned or that there's some sort of There's some that we you say that we've chosen this life that we've like our soul said I want To try this out. Yeah, I want this experience great so if I'm diving into this person With this like this person I'm diving into my soul Nikki
Jarrod Sammet (04:34.894)
I'm choosing to go. Nikki, Nikki's not you. But what I'm saying is like the way I see it doesn't mean that your way is right. What I'm saying is that it is right. I feel like in some ways there's a destiny, like there's a plan that that I agree.
Jarrod Sammet (04:56.91)
Right. So there's a plan to all of this. There's a lot of opportunities for plans. But see, your thoughts are that there's infinite possibilities. Yes, that already exist. Which is true. So then the choice comes in. Then the free will comes in and then that determines which is. But I think that I feel that that was already meant to be. So the choice that you made was actually the choice you were supposed to make. Agreed. Yes. Yes. OK, so coming back. Because. Because.
Jarrod Sammet (05:28.238)
If there's infinite already existing possibilities, then there's infinite choices that are already pre -made. Like, yes, of course. So we're both saying the same thing. Okay, great. So I think part of the belief system, the frustration piece is one, if you know that there's a destiny, you can see it, you can feel it, you can experience it.
Jarrod Sammet (05:56.014)
But then the reality of you getting to your destiny is so much, it's work. Like you can't just like be like, I'm gonna do this podcast. That's an assumption. That's a belief. It's work. That's a belief. But you just said, as we were talking about social media, you just said that you can't just start something and expect it to be big. Great. Okay. Okay. So what I'm, so my belief,
Jarrod Sammet (06:25.198)
is that being a blogger in today's world is challenging. And that I probably won't make it because there's so many other people doing it and the way that I want to go about being a blogger is not what's actually happening. Cool. And if you agree, if what you believe is always true, do you believe that?
Jarrod Sammet (06:49.198)
If I said belief is. No, because some days I don't believe that. Some days I feel, I feel. But I get that. But a belief is still something that to your core you might try to think you challenge it some days, but it's a core belief because you keep coming back to it. Yes? So it is, that is the actual belief.
Jarrod Sammet (07:11.726)
So if you believe that, then it's only core belief is not about blogging. The core belief is within yourself. I'm not good enough. Yes. So if you believe that, and if a belief is something that is always true, then that is the truth. Whatever you believe is true. So if you believe that, then that's why you, that's the truth right now. Okay. So how do you change that? You believe you can do anything you want. Okay. So let you've already proven you can do that. You've wanted to create something before, and you did it, correct?
Jarrod Sammet (07:41.678)
So is that proof that if you believe in something and you do? Yes, but Pax is a totally different, no pun intended animal. But I totally agree. No, but what I'm saying, while you were doing it, that was never your goal. Right, very true. And what happened? And then once it became a goal, it got harder.
Jarrod Sammet (08:01.934)
Yes, wasn't as fun. You didn't grow the way you want to grow you get you stopped it because it became work. Yeah so the only way you grew like that is was the pure enjoyment and love of packs and love of making him a character and naturally Because you loved it and you did what you loved it grew in the second that shifted to how do I monetize? How do I grow it? It wasn't as good and you like it as much and he stopped it
Jarrod Sammet (08:31.054)
So how do you ever do something that you love to do then and make money doing it? You just you did You have proof in your life of loving to do something We mean not just the the ads you got like Clint stuff happened because of packs. Yes So you did make money because of your dog and that Instagram? By just doing what you loved. Okay, so so
Jarrod Sammet (08:54.254)
So you now you have proof of a new belief that if I love that, that that thing is true. Yes, it is true. So you, it's true that you did something you loved, put it out there in the world and it made you money and he grew fast. So why won't you replicate what you already know to be true? Okay, great. So I'm trying to do that, but it's not growing fast. You.
Jarrod Sammet (09:20.494)
You know, you haven't done the thing you're supposed to be doing. Which is what? The blog.
Jarrod Sammet (09:26.382)
That's what you're supposed to be doing and that's what you enjoy. So that will grow. But do really know what a blog is? Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, I don't care. I don't care. Did Inside Global know what personal development was and even thinking about it when I started it? Offering mindfulness classes to our organization and a go -ho sales company. Like, come on.
Jarrod Sammet (09:50.702)
Did they? They didn't know anything about it. So what's your point? My point is you have proof of a new belief that is true. That you can choose to believe it.
Jarrod Sammet (10:01.038)
Which is I can create something. I do. If love, if I do what I love and find so much joy and fun in it, that I can be successful. Okay. So what you're saying is, is do it my way. Yeah, because you already have proof it works. Every time you've done it the other way, it's never worked. Well, it worked when I did my, on my online coaching program and my, for my coaches, it worked. I made money. One time. And then you got over it because you didn't like it. But maybe that's ADHD and novelty. No, because ADHD gift power is hyper.
Jarrod Sammet (10:30.992)
focus when you love something you get a hyper focus on it and that's why I get so good that's why people they eat deep they have a thing they love and they go after it they'll research it they'll go deeper than anybody let's talk about this then okay so the blogging that is a mic drop okay fine I'll give it to you yeah but here's guys I just want to show if we were video recording this her whole body language her face change
Jarrod Sammet (10:55.502)
Because I come back to possibility that's the problem is like I I continually go back to possibility and then I feel like I drop Okay, fine. I believe it's possible and not and then just wait just wait just wait. Here's my question for you. Okay, so Let's say fuck that not believe you have to know it's possible. And here's the thing What's great is some people have to know it's possible without actually knowing it, you know it
Jarrod Sammet (11:21.614)
You did it. Yeah. So you actually know it's possible yet you're like discounting that knowledge that learning that you're supposed to learn from every moment. So it carries the next moment. You said that you know it's possible and you're like I should probably do it like the way everyone else is doing it and not like it and try to learn how to freaking make a reel and oh my God I got to draw a cartoon and animate it.
Jarrod Sammet (11:50.478)
Here's my question, okay is So if I was to do this my way literally all I would do is I have the blog I would just write him and medium same time. I know I'm just writing things Okay, and I am sharing links. I'm doing all this just and my podcast our podcast. Whoa I'm a star the show
Jarrod Sammet (12:15.854)
Listen But what happens is it's like this this lady Victoria that I was looking at she says they're not really doing
Jarrod Sammet (12:31.086)
Those kind of blogs aren't really doing well. No, I understand. One person out of seven billion. No, no, no. That's not what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to ask is specifically for people who are listening to this and they're like, how do I? Is anyone listening to this? I'm listening. Yeah, you have to because my microphone's in your mic. We have a janky set up here. Well, we're not there yet. We're working on it. Pay us ads.
Jarrod Sammet (12:56.846)
We need ads. Okay, Jarrod, what I'm saying is...
Jarrod Sammet (13:06.03)
Okay. So this person, I got her guys before this at dinner. I said a couple of like, try to be funny lines and not having it. Like just said, Jarrod, don't do that right now. And now I'm back. All right. Listen, sorry. So I think I can't go anywhere because
Jarrod Sammet (13:32.494)
You said that ADHD people, what they do very, very well is they research the things they're really interested in and they go after it and they do all this stuff. That's also where I get in trouble because I'm going to be like, I'm doing this blog. This is really what I want to do. This is, I'm really excited about this thing. But then I read about it and I'm like, you need backlinks. You need this. You need to be able to, and you have your email opt -in so that you can get email lists. You need to do all this stuff. And that gets really overwhelming. And so something that I've noticed that I do that I'm curious what your thoughts are is that I get to a point and I pick
Jarrod Sammet (14:02.448)
pivot because it like gets hard and I like pivot or I think like, oh, maybe I should do it this way instead. And then I find that I reach out, I look for other people who are doing it and they're like, here's a proven system. This is how this works. Your thing is not going to work like this, but I just, I, I just, how is Google going to find me if I don't do SEO? If you're doing what you love, they'll find you. They already have. They will.
Jarrod Sammet (14:31.214)
Okay, they will fine Okay and to your point of all the stuff to set it up if you really is like if all you have to do is learn Just break it down if you really want to blog and that's like the way you want to do this thing Like because you like love writing that way. That's the truth. What I love writing what way Like the way you want to write Which the best platform from the way you want to write if you just did everything the way you want to do it is a blog Is it is it ask me a question? I'm
Jarrod Sammet (14:58.894)
It's a kind of rhetorical question. I think I know the answer. I think it's probably medium. And blog. Yeah, it's okay. But a blog is because it gives me offshoots to different things where medium is strictly just writing. It's great. But it gives you that doing those two things gives you the ability to do what you love to do, yes? So if all of you work backwards from that to launch a blog, I have to do these seven things.
Jarrod Sammet (15:25.006)
I'm gonna do the seven things, because then after those seven things are done, I get to do what I love.
Jarrod Sammet (15:31.534)
Say that again? I think that was important. So, like, that's what I keep telling you. You keep seeing this big dream, and I go, okay, great. Have that, but that's gotta be in the background. It can't be in the foreground, because what should be in the foreground, because that's gonna, if that's the main thing you're looking at and seeing. You're always falling short. You're so much falling short. Just like, all that's what I want. And then we broke it down the other day. What am I gonna do first? I gotta write a blog.
Jarrod Sammet (15:58.286)
So I know now that's the forefront that that big things back here because you know if I write a blog that's going to have possible. That's possible. I'm doing things that make that more possible. Right. So then then the forefront of what's what I do now I got to this future. The blog that's not huge. And if you only thinking about how do I get here it's too many. I'll launch and you're like I got to go this is this. OK. I only got to do six seven things.
Jarrod Sammet (16:26.702)
And then I get to write and get the blog launch and that makes that more possible. Right? So like you break it. That's still there. It doesn't go away, but it can't be at the front thing you're only seeing and looking at. Yeah. Because it takes steps. Manifesting. That's probably when people try to manifest. I want this. But then the next thing is right to dip this feature. What are the things, the habits, the actions, behaviors I have to do to reach? I can't just be like, I'm going to write and be a huge blogger and then never write a blog.
Jarrod Sammet (16:55.502)
So it's like, all right, I gotta do that. Then I gotta manifest myself doing the behavior, which is I gotta see myself launching it the first day of my blog. That's what you should be thinking about. That's what I manifest, because that seems, actually, I could go do that.
Jarrod Sammet (17:09.069)
So that's what I'm thinking about every day. Yes, that's still there. I like that part because I can see it being as big as I want it to be, right? At the same time, it also feels a little untainted. So much time, so many steps. But not just that, but I've never been at that point. So I actually don't know what it takes to actually get there, right? Whereas,
Jarrod Sammet (17:33.838)
Me just writing a blog. I know what that looks like. Me launching a website. I know what that looks like. So it's attainable because it's something that is readily available for me at this right now. Whereas the big thing. It's not ready yet. You don't even know totally the steps you need take to get there. And you don't even know what that's gonna look like. No.
Jarrod Sammet (17:56.238)
But you know what this could look like. Yeah. So why don't you do it? Where did I thought of something the other day? I was I think it was somebody who I saw on Instagram that started out in like one career and then something happened in their life and they went a completely different direction. That's me. Started off on one path in a career and I am in a different direction, completely different direction.
Jarrod Sammet (18:20.11)
I don't see it like that. Like this never existed in psych lobe. Yes, but it was already what you were doing with your people. The way that you are, no, the way that you are, right? The aura that you have and how you impact people, the leader that you are. You've always been this person from when the day you started. That's why you continue to move into a more impactful role because you were already doing it. The actual job that you're doing is yes, it's different, but I.
Jarrod Sammet (18:49.966)
It would be more so like you were a major league baseball player or hey you the American Idol thing and you took that all the way and all of a you went into sales No, but I still could have been a leader in that and bring that same presence then right? Yes I'm just saying that I disagree that you are in a completely different Work because I already saw this for sure, but like that wasn't Let's just say in the beginning. I didn't go to insect level
Jarrod Sammet (19:16.078)
to do that. No, that wasn't my intention. The pivot happened a hard pivot in the middle. I could have just gotten the same track, go to regional, could have done it.
Jarrod Sammet (19:25.294)
Yeah, but I just made it, I saw there was a pivot that was made, which again, my point is that I didn't start something to get to that destination that unfolded as I go. That's just like you said about that person. They were in a trajectory and something else unfolded. That could be leaving somewhere and being an entrepreneur or doing that, but that's also gonna be.
Jarrod Sammet (19:46.766)
in a organization. But what I'm specifically talking about is like we're we think of this dream, right? We have this dream. I'm going to have a best selling book. I'm to have all these book tours and do all these things. Right. And we think that there's a path to get there. But do you think there's a path to get there? Well, I think we create one because it helps gives us a ladder to go. But what I'm talking about in this moment is I getting to that.
Jarrod Sammet (20:14.99)
could be a ladder that I've not even seen or don't even recognize that was going to be how I did it or what I was talking about. Like if we talk about neurodiversity and speaking about Jake, I never would have thought about my life in terms of talking about ADHD and myself, although it was like some of the work that I've done. But now that I have a neurodiverse child, it's never been more present in the work that I'm doing or what I'm talking about. For instance, like the book that I maybe ever write that will now include that, which I never had planned.
Jarrod Sammet (20:44.944)
that being. What I'm saying is that your point of reaching for that it's it's it's a quote unquote a dream. It's kind of like a cloud that's up there but if you put your hands through it it goes right through the cloud because it's not real yet but what's real is the steps that you're gonna take. The ladder. The ladder is real. Ladder is real. And what's the only way you can take the first step on the ladder?
Jarrod Sammet (21:14.062)
make that the top of the ladder true. What's the first thing you have to do? You have to put yourself out there. There's no way you can get to the cloud if you're not putting your authentic self out there. I'm having so many visuals of like the beanstalk guy and like shoots and ladders. That's something like you're right. Like that dream exists but like that's a great way to visualize it for yourself. I want to get to the cloud. I obviously can't jump that high.
Jarrod Sammet (21:39.694)
I obviously can't just fly up there. Okay. Well, there's a ladder here. Cool. I got to take a step. I think I take another step and I climbed the ladder to get to that place. Okay. Well, let's think about what the first step of the ladder would be. And then what will be the second step? The ladder might go like this. I think it's a straight ladder. The matter like, Oh, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And then actually the cloud might move. Exactly. You know, so.
Jarrod Sammet (22:02.926)
Just take the step on the ladder. Yeah. And then look around and go, what's the next step? Okay. So let's talk about that steps wise of like how people can break down. They want to achieve a goal. That's ultimately what we're talking about here is people want to achieve something to change their identity. They want to do whatever. So let's take an example of exercise. People want to lose weight. They don't know how to like fit in their schedules. They feel overwhelmed. Let's keep on their example. Okay. I'm just saying that people may not be able to relate to it.
Jarrod Sammet (22:32.88)
because it's just like any goal you have could be exercise could be your goal. And you're like, okay, exercise is part of my goal, but let's stick with this. So I always look at two things. The reason you're not.
Jarrod Sammet (22:45.454)
closer to being that person. I like identity. I like identity. So you're like, your identity is writer, best -selling writer. That's the identity, right? Someone who exercises their identity shouldn't be, I'm a person that exercises five times a week. No, I'm a person that's physically fit because a person that's physically fit, right? Or physically healthy. Okay, I wanna stop and just ask a question. So let's say, that's what's in my head. Yep.
Jarrod Sammet (23:11.374)
You're also going to have parts. We know I have Grindr and Scout and these people that jump in that are like, fuck, yeah, fucking right. Like that's never going to fucking happen for you. So because that's the muscle I've been exercising longer, that is going to win over the bestselling author mentality that I believe that I can become or that I am now. OK, but because I have had.
Jarrod Sammet (23:40.302)
30 plus years of conditioning, of believing that that could never happen for me. How do we tell that voice? Like, how do we put them in the passenger seat and get them out of the driver's seat? don't, because Grindr actually helps you get to that place. She does. What she helps you with, you know what Grindr will believe? That I'd be the best. No. She's competitive as fuck. She believes you can launch a blog, and she's gonna help you launch a blog.
Jarrod Sammet (24:08.91)
because to Grindr that's not too far away. Grindr is, you're great at micro, like the reason you'll be able to launch a blog and get all those things done is because Grindr's the hyper -focused. But Grindr, she can't hyper -focus on a big dream. She can't work that way, it's too much. She doesn't know what to do next.
Jarrod Sammet (24:32.11)
But if you tell Grindr, hey, what we're doing next is we're gonna launch a blog. Oh, she'll go to, she'll go to. Oh, I can go do that. Yeah, that's very I can believe that. Like the Jake thing, like finding the ABA places. I can find an ABA place. I can't make Jake happy in this world, which is your big purpose with Jake is make him feel confident and be able to be himself in this, be in this world, but also be adaptable, but also be himself in this world. Grindr can't fucking do that. No. But what Grindr can do is find the best ABA place. Grindr can find the best care right now.
Jarrod Sammet (25:01.582)
So what can grinder do right now? And to also say, I don't know how I feel about ABA. I'm just going to preface that. That like, I just want to preface that like that's a whole other conversation about ABA. But we're a neurodiversity affirming family is what I'm just going to say in the middle of this conversation. I'm saying grinder can go get after making a blog.
Jarrod Sammet (25:20.142)
Yes, 100 % so she's not bad. So like don't push her away. But then scout goes you're gonna be seen and people are gonna laugh at you that you're trying to write a blog like who are you to write a blog? They're gonna make fun of you. You don't want to get hurt. Don't do it That's what scout does so then I have competing voices and they win they're protecting me, but then Nikki needs to come in and say hey scout
Jarrod Sammet (25:43.79)
Believing that I can't do it, I have a stronger belief that I have to do it because I have to make impact. Which belief is gonna be stronger? And I need you to help look out for that for me. I need you to use your binoculars to make sure I'm taking the right step. That's what Scout does. Scout tells Grindr, hey, go left, go right. Grindr's blind, can't see the steps.
Jarrod Sammet (26:08.398)
She works. Yeah, she does the work. She just doesn't know what to do and what to apply herself to. And you know, I can look at that. That's good. Well, and all scouts got the binoculars like Grindr take that step. It's like, got it. Boom. You know, what's really interesting you just said is like if we think about instinct, like intuition or like, you know, just like the knowing it's called the knowing. Yes. But if she's not harnessed correctly.
Jarrod Sammet (26:33.55)
It's overactive and it becomes anxiety. And who gets to harness her? Self. Self. Self gets to say, you can talk to, you actually, that's the crazy part of self. You can talk to them and tell them what to do. But most of the time. I let them run the show. You them tell you what to do. Okay, so that's the question. It's like, how do they, how does self become the driver? Yes. What? When a self, when a self there.
Jarrod Sammet (27:02.702)
When is self always there? All the time? Yes, but like when is self there for you and everybody else? When you're present, that is self. When you're in the moment, aware mindfulness, that is always self. That's why that person back to every moment's a new moment, you want to always be self. So every new moment's a new moment that self gets to do what they want.
Jarrod Sammet (27:28.11)
Okay, let's come back to this is we just solved it all just you know that okay, let's come back to this so we're talking about changing the identity of who you want to become that can become that and then I asked what about I asked what about the conditioning that has held us back for so long? How do we out beat it? How do we run alongside it? We run alongside it. We want that belief is like that's that the
Jarrod Sammet (27:54.606)
if people have these underlying beliefs of their childhood and things that are hard.
Jarrod Sammet (27:58.894)
That's why so many people have this like they want this dream. It's so far away that they can't. So the first step was what you're asking. What do I do? I also want to just also I just want to add this. I just came into my head that I think would be really valuable is that using those parts as support and for their for what their gifts are. They're not going away. So like instead of me being like Grindr take the day off it's more like what can you resist persist if you're resisting Grindr if you're resisting Scout they're going to
Jarrod Sammet (28:28.848)
Freaking come harder than ever. Okay, so to who's listening you may not know about grander and scout They are not just random fucking people her imaginary friends that live in her head Friends in your head. Well, they're not they're not they I got Steve Steve's my imaginary friend What is Steve Steve's my voice in my head. I just want to get this correctly. So It's internal
Jarrod Sammet (28:53.486)
Family systems IFS. Yes, I believe started by a gentleman named So internal family systems model it's an integrative approach to individual psychotherapy developed by Richard Schwartz in the shorts in the 80s Okay, so it combines systems thinking with the view that the mind is made up of relatively discrete subpersonalities think
Jarrod Sammet (29:16.75)
the movie Inside Out. So the movie Inside Out, you have all these different voices of like anxiety, disgust, anger, sadness, happiness, and joy. All your parts. All your parts. Those aren't necessarily your parts. Those are your emotions. Okay, but think about it in that way. You can think about you have these different pieces of you. Which voices are driving those emotions? So what we're specifically talking about in my therapy with my therapist has been, it was a recommendation for me to label, to give my parts,
Jarrod Sammet (29:45.838)
Actual name so that way not only could I go through? The trauma of where they you know where they originated why they're there what they're trying to do become friends with them like all of that so that way now when I'm in these chaotic states I can be like scouts
Jarrod Sammet (30:04.078)
Scout, fuck off. Like who gets to say that? Self, okay, so self is me. But self. You're aware of the voices. You're aware of self. So I don't know if there's a fourth part, but right now it's just self, grinder, and scout. So if we're talking about these different pieces, know that they are. Nikki's pieces. I got Steve. I've only found Steve so far. Tell us about Steve. Steve's just the voice that. Doubt. Doubt.
Jarrod Sammet (30:29.454)
So it's just clearly doubt for you. Yeah, it's just, yeah. Do you think you have it? on decisions, doubt, I'm doing the right things, doubt, just doubt. Something else I really want us talk about, because it relates to this a little bit, is about Sometimes fear. Maybe those are different parts. So maybe I should think about labeling doubt and fear differently. Yeah, I would definitely, because that's like Scout is my fear. You actually label them different. They're different. They're different. So think about that. That's good. So to anybody listening, we encourage you to label your parts. Yeah.
Jarrod Sammet (30:58.574)
Not your physical parts. We're talking about.
Jarrod Sammet (31:07.054)
Parts is how they use the word in internal family systems, but the voices, the different, yeah, I guess it is the motion. So you're IFS is the mind is made up of multiple parts and underlying them is a person's core or true self. So like members of a family and a person's inner parts can take on extreme roles or sub personalities. Each part has their own perspective, interests, memories, and viewpoints. Like it's so fucking brilliant. Yeah, it's so smart. It's so smart. Like I love it.
Jarrod Sammet (31:36.462)
I mean, you think about it like there are some people that actually have like multiple personalities, but that's like that manifesting even obviously they've been through a lot that it manifests so strongly that they make them like a part of them. Yes. And that's not what we're talking about. No, no, no. But I'm saying like this is but this all makes sense. What we're specifically talking about is how to to differentiate yourself and be aware of them and to be aware of them so that way you can achieve the things that you really want to do because they're telling your story right now.
Jarrod Sammet (32:02.798)
Yes. They're dictating. And for most of us, they have driven for a very, very long time and they were there for a reason. So they are not, they're not bad. So to come all the way back. So let's just recap what we've discussed. One is that first, that looking at the dream is really, really, it's cool. It's very, very important. And how do you get there?
Jarrod Sammet (32:28.334)
Right? So we have to be able to navigate how to get there. And I loved your idea. You're saying like looking at it versus it being behind you. Right. Is a really interesting concept. And then the second part of that was the latter. So taking the first step. But what happens when we take the very first step when adopting this new identity is that we have these parts that come in that tell us you are not enough. So what we're saying is if you start with the work, this is why you're starting to succeed and find the joy again, because you did the work on your
Jarrod Sammet (32:58.288)
parts you got identification of your parts yeah and now you're able to understand that and apply that while you're doing this is actually something that I want to talk about is that personal development right this billion dollar industry billion trillion trillion dollar industry people get their fucking journals they do their shit and it doesn't work why I know why it's because they're not doing the work work
Jarrod Sammet (33:25.902)
So until you do, like you go through the journey of it, you walk through the healing process, that stuff is just superficial. Yeah, I think it's.
Jarrod Sammet (33:37.294)
It could be different for a lot of people. Some people that might be therapy they should, like probably everybody should go therapy. But for me it was like just sitting in silence. And yes, you call it meditation, but no, it was just like being sitting and allowing me to hear the actual voices. If you're on your phone, if you're always doing something, if you're watching TV and you never just get like, cause most of us don't want to hear the voices. So we avoid them. What you resist persist. But the first step is that uncomfortable as a sitting and going,
Jarrod Sammet (34:06.574)
I'm just gonna sit and listen to them because they that's awareness like I'm now saying they're not me I can actually hear them and that the only way you're gonna come up with names and be able to understand who they are is to like Let them play out which something that you do so well that I have adopted myself is Building relationship with yourself like your idea all your parts now. It's now I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying like the whole the whole thing right is that?
Jarrod Sammet (34:35.181)
You we like go on our phones. We avoid all these things. We don't take care of ourselves. We don't spend time with ourselves. We don't think of it as a relationship. It's the most important relationship. It's the most important one. The most important one. Right. And so when I started doing that, that is when I've actually been able to believe some of these beliefs. And I'm still in that transitional phase where I still am like, what's true? I'm not sure.
Jarrod Sammet (35:03.758)
They told me this, but I now see this, who's right. And you know who's right. I'm referring it to the sense that the conflicting nature of things. So coming back to all the way back to like the belief system is like. It's influenced you all the time. All the time. We have these external things that are telling us be thinner, be smarter, be prettier, have a bigger house, paint it white, get a really beautiful kitchen, go to Target and spend all your money. Like.
Jarrod Sammet (35:30.798)
We're constantly told this while we also have an internal Jay said anything but like those beliefs are not your reliefs That's what beliefs people have told you you should have right? Yes, so something that I an exercise that I've done that I did when I first started writing and Whatever month has six months ago like really dedicating myself to this practice was relabeling myself So I wrote down every label that would ever been given to me
Jarrod Sammet (35:55.374)
and then I rewrote them because I realized I never gave myself any of these. Somebody said that to me and I. You're school. You're a high school diploma graduate. That's a label. You're a college grad. That's not who you are. So I think this part is really important because it does impact our belief system. Oh yeah. And awareness, being in the moment. All that drops away because it doesn't.
Jarrod Sammet (36:22.798)
It's not there anymore. I want to like wrap it up in terms of how I know I said that. I want to. Guys we just got to say this caveat. We're one of those couples that that's what she said. We say it multiple times a day. We just think it's hilarious and it's going to happen. I just wanted to say it again. Of course we'll find every moment. So I'm sorry if that's going to you're going to hear all that.
Jarrod Sammet (36:49.646)
To everyone who's listening.
Jarrod Sammet (36:55.47)
Hey, you know what we believe? We believe someday there's gonna be a lot of freaking people listening. So to close it out, Nikki. Well, I just want like we talked about like some really interesting things, but it's like, what is the takeaway here? What do you need to go do in order to go achieve your dream? I think what you go do? I think knowing that you have beliefs or biases about yourself mostly, you probably have biases and beliefs about the world.
Jarrod Sammet (37:22.286)
But the most important beliefs that you need to understand are the ones that you have about yourself and what's possible for you and who you are. So I think it is like, it's the parts. It's like you gotta go find out.
Jarrod Sammet (37:34.734)
You're not all those things in your head. You're not all those things. There's different pieces of you in there and you gotta go understand and be able to separate them. Be aware of them. Know that because you're aware of them, they're not you. You're the one, you can actually hear them now. And yeah, the hardest thing that, especially with this world today is just like, it's gonna be so uncomfortable because most of us, when I started this work, so mean. Just.
Jarrod Sammet (38:02.67)
I felt bad. It was so hard. I couldn't do anything. You know, that's what I was hearing as I just tried to pay attention. But then slowly started to listen to more, started talking back to them saying, what if that was true? What if the opposite of what you said is actually true? Oh, then, you know, and it was just. And. It's important to remember that this is an everyday practice. It's not. It's forever like I'm.
Jarrod Sammet (38:31.726)
10 years into, I don't know, nine years into this work and I've come a long way, but like, dude, still, so much, so much. Yeah, but I still have so much more work. So you have belief systems. This is an everyday practice. Yeah, and the practice is like the first practice, the first starting point is like, just sit down for a minute, because most of us don't stop for a minute to listen to our thoughts. And I would also add.
Jarrod Sammet (38:54.19)
Write maybe. Write it down. It's exactly what it doesn't say. It's write it down until then you can go back when you're ready to write the other side. Can you relabel yourself? Because ultimately what we're talking about here is if you want to achieve something you have to do the core work to actually make it happen. And the key is if, I really do believe a belief is something you always hold true. So it means it's always true until you change the belief. So if you believe you're not good enough.
Jarrod Sammet (39:22.83)
all these things, then that is the truth. There's no other option. So the only way to change that reality and what you're doing and see what's ahead is to try a new belief, challenge the ones you have. Why not? Why not try it? Why not try to see what if I believe I am good?
Jarrod Sammet (39:45.934)
And I am worth it. Let's just see what happens. How do OK, so people have these amazing conversations like say you're coaching. I mean, you're obviously my coach, but like let's say that you give me all this information. I'm like, OK, can go to the blog. I'm going to go do it. I'm really excited. And then I start. But then life happens and kids get sick and like I can't get to it. And then doubt starts to creep in. I'm like, so what's how do I?
Jarrod Sammet (40:14.478)
Stay consistent. How do I stay with it?
Jarrod Sammet (40:19.566)
It's the infinite game. There's never a little bit. It just means there's never a time when you win. There's never like, it's over. I did it. Like again, because of the world we're in, we just expect it's gonna happen tomorrow. Like these beliefs and who you are, however old you are, if you're in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, that's a long time to hold onto a single belief. And you think in a week, in a day, in two months, in three, in a year, it's just gonna.
Jarrod Sammet (40:47.246)
Go away. Yeah, you might have some things that you get through. That's like 30 something, 40 something years that you've thought that and believe that. It's a long time. So it's not just gonna, it's a lot. Like you're in it. You're in the process of, I think I know something completely different, but I still coming back here. And you've been doing work, like you're really, really doing the work, but you've been working through this, but like,
Jarrod Sammet (41:17.71)
You're in the middle of that transition. I've been doing this since I started working with, I'm calling her heart is her name. That's her therapist, heart. Heart is my therapist. I've been working with heart since. But it's not just the therapy, like you've dabbled in this stuff before. Oh yeah. you have experience. But that's what I was referring to earlier in regards to personal development. Why wasn't that sticking? Because I wasn't doing the real shit, which I finally have done. And you were also like, I did it my way. Yeah.
Jarrod Sammet (41:45.326)
And I think sometimes you like, oh, I'll do it. No, like sitting down and reading. All I do is read the nonfiction books, all the pockets. And that's just that wasn't for you. For you, it's talk therapy. But also what you love to do is writing. Right. I mean, I think I've always loved writing. Yeah. But that's like that's how that's the thing you love. So that's a great point to that, too. Like, I'm curious and I love learning. Like I'm obsessed with learning.
Jarrod Sammet (42:11.342)
I love learning. That's why I love school and did school so well. So the best avenue with me to personal development was just to go read other people's stuff. You, it's writing your thoughts out on paper. True. You journal for a long time. True. It's been fun, real. It's been real fun. I know, but we said it the opposite. So I went with it. Okay. Well, yeah, it's way past my bedtime. But we started this over dinner.
Jarrod Sammet (42:41.23)
We did start it over dinner. Nice way to bring it home, Nik. We did start it over dinner. That's my assistant. That's my assistant. Some of these shows will be after dinner. Some of them will be over dinner. Yeah, we just thought you probably want to hear us eating. Eating. Tonight we had some nice salmon, sweet potato and some broccoli. And there's this Japanese barbecue sauce.
Jarrod Sammet (43:07.502)
It's everywhere. Maybe they'll sponsor it. I don't know what it's called, but it's Bob. You know, it's called Bob. It's called, um, we'll tag them. We'll tag them because they care about the over dinner podcast. Wait, maybe it's all good with sponsorships with like, my God. We're eating so much good food. Yeah. Oh, butcher box. Love butcher box. Big butcher box guy.
Jarrod Sammet (43:37.39)
B -A -C -H -A -N. Bacan? Bacan. Bacan, it's a white bottle. We've got Costco, depending where you are. I think it's kind of everywhere now. It's really popular. Japanese barbecue sauce. Yeah, the spicy ones, fire. We're going to get so many ads. Yeah. Butcher Box, love you. Our kids love the, what are the pouches? Chicken nuggets. No, the pouches. What are they called?
Jarrod Sammet (44:02.862)
What's brand? Oh, once upon a farm. Once upon a farm. Jen, Jen, we love you. We do love you, Jen. And also, what's the other one? The yogurt. Yeah, what are those? The yogurt pouches. Are they the same brand? The yogurt. Okay, we're out of here. See ya.