Redefining Beauty: Challenging Society’s Unrealistic Body Image Expectations
How AI, Holistic Health Trends, Diet Culture impact Women’s Body Image Anxiety.
All of that work and what did it get me?
You may have seen the latest viral TikTok & Instagram trend showcasing influencers singing the first part of the broadway song, Rose’s Turn, from the Broadway show Gypsy or more recently on the TV show, Glee. If you haven’t hear it yet go look it up!
It reminded me of all the work I’ve ever done to lose weight only to end up in the same place.
I’ve tried a lot (besides ozempic)…Crossfit, low carb, paleo-ish, counting calories, counting macros, Yoga, weight watchers…facetune hehe.
And what I’ve learned is that I can do the food thing and the exercise thing but if my head isn’t in the game then my body won’t be in either.
About a year ago I did a 12 week mindful weight loss program with a coach. We counted calories and macros.
3 weeks into the program I had an appendicitis and needed emergency surgery.
I wasn’t able to work out or lift anything above 5lbs for 6 weeks.
So, I had to really focus in on the food.
And I did.
I lost 23lbs and gained a whole new perspective.
The reason why this was different than all the other ways I tried to lose weight: I loved myself while doing it.
I was kind, compassionate, and fed myself foods that I knew were good for me.
It’s been a year and I’ve tried to get back on the horse and to be honest I’m struggling.
So a few weeks ago when I was invited to speak at a colleague’s weekly group coaching call who specifically focuses on mindful weight loss I thought what a great time to reflect on my own weight loss biases.
She hoped that I would bring insight on improving one’s mindset & breaking free from limiting beliefs.
Some things I began to ponder…
Is it ok to want to lose weight?
Is it ok to want to be smaller?
Is it ok to feel better about yourself when you are physically accepted in society?
Why does being bigger create so much insecurity and justification?
These are all questions I’ve asked myself over the course of decades of wanting to lose weight.
There were years that I hated my body.
Only to look back and see photos of how beautiful I truly was.
There were years where I was so focused on breastfeeding and staying satiated I didn’t even think about the scale.
There ARE days that I step on the scale 3 days in a row feeling defeated that nothing has moved.
There are moments I catch myself emotionally eating even when I’m not hungry.
Being a woman in our society is tough.
Constant standards to live up to and AI created bodies with perfect faces sans wrinkles, rolls, and cellulite.
It’s easy to think, “I’m not good enough” when 3 million people like a photo of a woman in a thong bikini with perfectly contoured cheekbones and abdominal muscles.
Inadequacy.
It should be my middle name.
It wasn’t one that was given to me at birth but it absolutely has been one that I’ve adopted over the years.
Whatever it was I was never good enough.
Especially when it came to my body.
Part of my challenge was that I had been on a stimulant medication since I was 10 years old. I never learned my hunger cues, I never learned balance, I never learned how to manage my eating habits until my late twenties when I went off the medication at all.
This was hard.
Do you remember the first time you started looking at your body in disgust?
Do you remember the feeling you had when you looked in the mirror getting dressed?
Or what about when you were younger and got ready with friends?
Do you remember comparing yourself to them?
When I was in my senior year of college I went on a cruise for spring break.
3 of my sorority sisters and I shared a suite.
One night we were getting ready in a mirror with awful lighting.
As I was putting mascara on I remember seeing wrinkles on my forehead that the other girls didn’t have.
It was the first time I became truly insecure about the lines on my head.
I wore a cover up most of the time we were on the beach even though I was a SIZE 2!!
We aren’t taught to love ourselves.
We are taught to change ourselves to love ourselves.
Just being is never good enough.
Be smaller. Fitter. Stronger. Thinner. Healthier. Happier. Prettier. Younger. And the list goes on.
At 35 (36 in just 2 weeks) I still find myself struggling with my body image.
It’s disappointing because there are times that I think I’m truly through the fire.
Only to be burnt again…
I saw an influencer the other day post a reel with the caption, “losing weight is my roman empire”.
And I share in her sentiment.
Later that day I saw another influencer post a study that shows girls as young as 6 dislike their bodies.
And I couldn’t help but wonder about how my daughter will be swayed by my thought process about my own body and how social media will impact hers.
By 3pm someone else had posted a whole reel about how often AI is being used to perfect photos and videos to look 2024 ready.
Every generation of women has had standards that they felt they must live up to.
In the 40’s it was all about a tiny waist and big hips. In the 70’s it was more of a straight figure with long and lean legs.
The 90’s the decade I grew up in was all about, thin, thin, thin, thin. Models were size double zero and we were told everything needed to be non-fat.
Today the focus is holistic and healthy. Wellness, skin care, and strong bodies.
Which on the one hand I freaking love!
And on the other it’s STILL a hard expectation to keep up with.
You’d think that today’s standards would be the “easiest” to live by since it’s a trend that shouts (on the outside) natural, rooted, and authentic.
But the idea that I need to be something more than just being myself IS STILL A BEAUTY STANDARD.
It’s like when a guy says I like an all natural make up look thinking that means a bare face when in reality it’s layer of foundation, concealer, brushed and gelled eyebrows, and of course a suns kissed bronzer look.
NO ONE JUST NATURALLY looks like J.Lo or Giselle. NOT EVEN J.Lo or Giselle.
It’s not really going au naturel because BARE is still not accepted even when we are promoting authenticity.
The truth of the matter is most people cannot afford both financially and time allotted to gift themselves with this look.
What a confusing time.
This is why it is so important to be rooted into self and to do the personal work because other people’s standards are NOT YOURS so why would they fit you!?
Let me give you an example:
I am a 35 year old mom of 2. With one on the autism spectrum. I have ADHD myself and struggle with anxiety and depression. I am a SAHM with strong ambition and I’m trying to build my dream. Anytime I have window open for me I work on creating. We are on one income at the moment and most of our monies are going to living, my son’s therapies, and doing things as a family.
So when a 24 year old single girl on the internet is telling me to adopt her morning routine which includes an uninterrupted hour at the gym 5 days a week in a adorable 2 piece workout set from Lululemon & a protein focused breakfast slathered with upscale ingredients…
I cannot relate.
And if I try to I will lose.
But I can TRY to do these things in my way.
Smaller, more attainable.
Instead of an hour I can shoot for 20-30 minutes.
Instead of making an entire breakfast I can find suitable options that give me protein like a bar or shake.
Her standards are not available to me. I am running out the door with waffles in my hand letting my children eat in the car and sometimes I’m not even wearing a bra.
This doesn’t mean she’s wrong or that I’m right.
What it means is: YOU CANNOT COMPARE to anyone else.
Especially to someone who does not live in your shoes or is in a completely different stage of life than you are in and has different priorities.
You can take nuggets from things you hear and read about but make sure you take it and then adjust it to YOU.
What works for one person might not work for you.
That was me with Arbonne! Worked for my friend and it made me so bloated I could have rolled down the street.
Of course pant sizes can ebb and flow but at the end of the day we were all born a very specific way.
It’s easy to see this when we have children.
They are born and they have specific physical characteristics that are just theirs.
It would be unrealistic and unfair to try and make them something they are not.
So how do we make generational change when we are still trying to change our mindset about ourselves?
The answer is: acceptance of imperfection.
That it’s hard to be human.
Even harder to be a woman in a world where we are set up to fail.
We are set up to compete.
We are set up to always want and need more.
I think it’s important to call out how unbelievably challenging it is to make the change.
AND TO CELEBRATE EVEN THE SMALLEST OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
Although there are impossible beauty standards splattered all over the internet….there are also tons of voices reminding us that food is our friend, life is our friend, and most importantly WE ARE OUR FRIEND.
After my daughter was born in late summer of 2022 I started to become truly conscious about the way I spoke about myself, other women’s bodies, and most importantly hers.
And 5 months ago I had a huge realization and wave of clarity.
I was taking a shower after a weekend full of friends, food, and family.
As I smooshed the shampoo around my scalp I reflected on my weekend. I remember feeling so at peace and happy.
Incredible meals, active outdoor activities, fun memories.
And that’s when I knew what I'd tell my daughter when she starts to ask about body image and question herself.
I'd tell her that your body will change over the course of your lifetime. It's suppose to happen that way.
So many things influence our body and weight. And all of them are milestones from your life that you want to remember and embrace.
From puberty, to athletics, to college nights with too many drinks and too many snacks, to medication changes, to metabolism slowing, to blissful newlyweds, pregnancy, postpartum, and
your thirties.
Your body will change because it's suppose to.
Some years you'll eat more. Some years you'll eat less.
Some months will include more sugar and some months there will be less.
The number on the scale will go up and down.
And this is not a bad thing or something to judge.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is to love yourself.
Because when you love yourself you treat yourself with the utmost respect and kindness.
And because of that you will feed yourself nourishing fuel while also really enjoying those girls night outs with too many margaritas.
You will teach yourself balance.
You will teach yourself to be fluid.
Because that's all we have in life.
Change, fluidity, and acceptance.
So, to little nikki.
I am sorry for being so harsh to you all those years.
It pains me so deeply to know that you second guess yourself and that you have felt ugly and fat.
I hate watching you look at old photos and think "gosh, i looked so good i can't believe i was so mean to myself”
I’m stopping the cycle here.