Hi, I’m Nikki. I’m An Autism Mom.

Mother’s Day 2022- Decatur, Georgia

Hi, I’m Nikki. I’m an Autism mom.

A sentence I never thought I’d say and a sentence that has transformed me more than I could have ever imagined.

When Jake was diagnosed Autistic 2 years ago I thought the life I knew was over.

And in a way— it was.

If I could go back to March 23, 2022 and tell myself anything it would be — but what if it’s greater than you ever thought?

When we receive an autism diagnosis we are told “here are the things you need to do to fix the problem”

What we aren’t told is: it’s not a problem at all.

Neurodivergence is a divergence of the typical way of being.

A swan in a room full of ducks.

It can be misunderstood.

It IS misunderstood.

Even by me.

I had to unlearn to relearn everything I thought I knew.

And the funny thing is…I am also neurodiverse.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 10 years old.

And I’m now 36 and FINALLY taking it seriously and recognizing how this disorder impacts me as an individual not what the DSM says I am.

This neurodiversity journey has been transformative for our family.

For mostly me I think.

Jarrod has always lived in the glass is half full whereas I tend to live in the half empty.

Doing my own unraveling of my ADHD diagnosis and limiting beliefs is a big reason I am able to be so energized and steadfast in my belief of Jake’s limitless potential.

I learned to accept myself and breathe into my strengths.

I learned that there is only one person who can limit me and that’s me.

He is limitless.

Whenever I doubt his abilities I remind myself of something called, RICE THEORY.

A little saying Jarrod and I came up with while traveling at Disney World with him.

Basically, Jake ate rice at dinner (something he doesn’t normally do) without us asking him to try it and it reminded us that just because we think he wouldn’t doesn’t mean he couldn’t.

He has taught me so much compassion, empathy, and to believe that ALL people are capable and competent no matter their presentation.

And that’s what it is to be a neurodiversity affirming parent.

To believe that your child no matter their diagnosis can do whatever they put their mind to.

To love, embrace, and empower them to just be themselves in a world that tells them differently.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t have days of doubt and sleepless nights of worry.

It means that you live in grey.

It means you are accepting of your story while also carry the grief.

All of this can exist together.

It’s important that I normalize the wondering what could have been or the comparison to other typically developing peers.

All of this can exist together.

We are not bad parents wishing it could be easier for our kids.

And what I’ve come to realize is that it’s not necessarily the kids we want to change…it’s the world.

We want the world to be more accommodating and accepting of what is different.

And because it’s not we must dilute the message that difference means inadequate.

We get to be the direct voice of feedback to our kids.

They are our biggest fan, shouldn’t we return the favor?

We get to fill their mind with expectations, dreams, and beliefs.

So let’s do it right.

So, Hi, I’m Nikki…I’m a proud Autism mom.

I’m blown away by my son’s zest for learning, love for his family, and curiosity in the world.

Jake “isn’t getting better” he’s growing into himself.

He will never outgrow autism. He will grow along side it.

Who Jake is at 4 will not be who he is at 6.

A year ago, hell—a month ago I might not have believed that.

I still have my moments of doubt— but my faith in him is becoming more powerful than the doubt.

I still have my moments that I call grief bubbles and grief bombs that take the air out of my lungs.

I still lay awake at 2am wondering how it will all unfold and what does the future look like..

And yet I keep getting confirmation that it was suppose to be like this… that our family was meant to be designed this way.

I’m not saying the path will be easy.

I’m saying that I am accepting.

Finally, in acceptance.

My son is Autistic.

And it’s not a death sentence.

If anything, it’s a life sentence.

An opportunity to see the beauty of the human experience.

And for that, as painful as feeling can be, I am so grateful to be able to experience it all.

April is Autism Acceptance Month.

My hope with time is that it becomes a norm… not a month to celebrate but an every day experience.

I feel that I have a responsibility to share about my experience being an Autism mom…to break stigmas, to create connection and to be connected, to support others, to educate and normalize, & to make real change.