The Power of Starting: Igniting Your Passion and Purpose
Years ago I started a blog. I actually wonder if I can still access it… (to be continued).
As I was figuring out what my first post of my new blog should be I thought of the very first entry I wrote back then.
It was titled, “Just Start”and I think it’s just that.
I just need to start.
I could spend years trying to be ready or to be perfect.
And we all know that neither of those things (being ready or being perfect) actually exist.
So here I am just starting.
I tend to overthink and believe that my work is not good enough.
I’ve always felt this way… a big part of that reason is because I have ADHD.
When I was growing up this was a little boys disorder and I was HIGHLY misunderstood.
It was NOT a neurodiversity affirming time and I was not taught how to harness and unleash my gifts.
I was taught to put them away and that I was a problem.
So when it comes to launching things like this I initially feel like I can do it and it’s easy but then my old belief system coupled with my neurodivergence just really complicates things.
I’m either a speed demon hyper focused impulsive hustler or a love this idea I’m going to start it RIGHT NOW but then I’m over 2 days later or life gets in the way and I become a start stop start stop kinda gal.
Example: I have buckets of green paint in my laundry room because at one point like 6 months ago I thought I was going to become a DIY girly… welp, the cabinets are still a weird off white pretend to be shabby chic style months later. IT WILL HAPPEN, they have to go!
I have a million dreams and think I need to accomplish them ALL AT THE SAME TIME. And when I start something it can either take me a whole five minutes or a full five days…or sometimes I get so much in my own way that I never finish it at all.
As I’m typing this I can see 9 unfinished blog entries sitting in my drafts just waiting to be wrapped up into a bow and completed.
Sometimes it’s because I get distracted or overwhelmed…other times it’s self doubt and criticism that bogs me down. And sometimes I just rip it without a thought of what comes next.
It’s a ride over here let me tell ya!
I had originally planned on taking a piece from my pages of content but I decided instead to start from scratch and share what this whole blog thing is for me and why I’m doing it.
So here we go…*drum roll please*
Ladies and gentlemen introducing my once private now public journal called, What Nik Knows.
I’ve been writing for years…years. I mean years.
Whether that was pulling all nighters in college to finish an essay, dominating a thesis and dissertation for my master’s degree and Ph.D., or even way back in the day attending writing camp and I can’t forget to tell you about all the drawings and storytelling I did on the backside of the mirror of my closet door in my childhood home.
I’ve written comic strips, had a food blog that promised less than 30 minute meals from Trader Joe’s, been a dog influencer, and shared knowledge through scripts I wrote for my podcast, What Nik Knows.
But I’ve never chosen to take writing seriously or believe that my work was even very good.
And of course I never believed that I could really make writing my career.
I’ve never felt smart enough and struggled in english so how could I be a writer?
And yet somehow I was placed in advanced english with two different teachers two different years of high school.
In college my English 101 class had an assignment. I’d say it’s my favorite assignment I’ve ever had.
Rant writing.
Basically what I’m doing now.
A glorified journal.
The assignment was to write what ever was on our minds.
And I loved it.
It felt cathartic, freeing, and fun.
I always felt inspired and lighter after putting thoughts into words.
I’d find that the nights I couldn’t sleep if I dumped my thoughts out on paper I’d fall asleep within minutes.
I’ve always loved creating stories, reading stories, and experiencing my journey as a story.
I see life as a movie and that I’m just reading through the script while it’s happening in real time.
I love finding meaning and connecting the dots.
I like the movies where I get to hear the inner dialogue of the main character(s). I want to know how they feel + what they think.
Like let’s take Sex and the City for instance—Carrie Bradshaw is my girl. Not just because of her fabulous clothing collection and how damn cool she is but really it’s because of how she can be inspired and curious about the world, her relationships, and how things work. She has a thought and a learning and then goes to type it all out on her laptop.
And this is exactly how my blog will be set up. Weekly “columns” if you may… every week a different topic on what nik knows about. Think episodic essay entries that both story tell but are also thought provoking, educational, and inspirational.
The most important piece of why I chose to utilize my blog like this is because is keeps me curious about life rather than closed in and judgmental. It keeps me open and writing expansively.
Many of my favorite movies and shows include writers…stories like Something’s Gotta Give with Diane Keaton or Bridget Jones Diary, Jane the Virgin, of course can’t forget You’ve Got Mail. And although they are writing emails back and forth it’s still the same idea. Sharing feelings, thoughts, and experiences through written word.
So, back in August of 2023 I finally had enough of my own shit and agreed to an experiment prompted by my husband.
“"If you want to be a career writer you have to write first. Your assignment is to write for 30 days and if you can do that then you can do anything.”
So I gave myself a 30 day challenge to write every single day.
And I did it.
As the days went on I found myself going to my notepad to jot thoughts down 3 or more times a day.
Constantly running upstairs to open my laptop and get something out of my head, tapping the notepad app on my phone whenever I had a connection, constantly feeling inspired, empowered, and like I was on my way.
I loved it so much that it felt like I was already in the career.
Many of the reasons I loved it were the same reasons I loved it in college- it was cathartic and helped me process…process so much. Things such as grief, growth, love, sadness, dreams, and memories.
Sometimes I shared these little essays on @paxthedood… lessons and learnings about grief while tying it back to Pax. I was weaving personal growth and inspiration within stories about my dog and life.
I was telling a story.
I was telling my story.
My story of self discovery, self healing, coming of age in my 30s, motherhood, Autism, ADHD, marriage, and purpose.
It wasn’t until Pax was diagnosed with cancer that I really came out of my shell and began sharing online. Before that it was all just in Evernote and was only for me to read- not even for my husband.
Although it was my son’s Autism diagnosis that started my transformation, it was who Pax encouraged me to return to my passions.
Writing and taking pictures.
He was my muse.
My soul dog.
A fluffy companion that meant so much more than just a dog.
He died in early January 2024 at only six years old.
And as he was drifting away from us it was like he was passing along a gift of why he was here all along…reminding me of who I am.
When he got sick he pushed me to start writing about it —like really- truthfully, vulnerably writing. I was so sad and needed an outlet. As I began writing I realized I had so much more to say and share beyond the grief that comes with a terminal canine cancer diagnosis. Autism, motherhood, self discovery…so much kept flooding to my mind and out on to a keyboard.
When our son, Jake, received his autism diagnosis I began chipping away at my own faulty belief system. Therapy helped me undo inaccurate beliefs and slowly begin to shred layers of conditioning.
But, writing took it to the next level.
And I started writing just 2 weeks before he was diagnosed with cancer.
I went through the most transformative months of my entire life during the window of time Pax was dying.
I grew forward and Pax began to fall back.
He had served his purpose.
And although I will talk a lot about the past in my stories they are mostly based on life lessons that I am currently tackling regarding my old belief system.
The blog experts say, “niche yourself!” And I say, thanks but no thanks I’m going to do it my way. Because at the end of the day I don’t want to do what they say- I want to do what I want to do.
Every time I do it how someone else does I alway feel empty and that there has got to be more.
And every time I lean into my knowledge and TRUST MYSELF I expand.
I expand both in personal growth and in the amount of people I impact.
That’s my ultimate goal.
To make impact.
Large scale impact.
I want to fix what is broken.
And for a long time I didn’t know what that looked like.
I just knew it was inside of me.
I just knew that I was meant to make change.
It wasn’t until my 30 day writing challenge that I finally figured it out.
Words are my vehicle to make impact.
I am designed to see, feel, and say.
I am sharing these life lessons with hopes that in some way they support, empower and most importantly remind you that you are not alone.
In 2018 I left my corporate job and formed my LLC, Leader of the Pax, which became my 1st business. I had no idea how I would utilize this title or even the LLC for the long haul. In the beginning I set it up to be my coaching business and for many years it served that purpose.
I thought the title worked since I was Pax’s owner.
But it wasn’t until he passed that I understood what it really meant.
Leader of the Peace.
(Pax means peace in latin)
It means me evolving into a leader who can make an impact in this world to create more peace.
And I’m going to do that through this blog.
Overtime I outgrew my coaching practice and wanted more…I knew there was more in me and that I wasn’t completely aligned with my current career choice.
It’s been six years since I started the LLC and it’s chameleoned to many different identities.
The one it holds now is being the umbrella to the What Nik Knows blog, @paxthedood, and the Over Dinner podcast which I co-host with my husband and will be live in the spring.
Coaching, courses, and my individual podcast are on hold right now as I pursue my deepest passion and finally allow myself to unleash and try it on.
I assume that these other ventures of my past will return I just don’t know when.
Right now I am exactly where I am suppose to be.
I am suppose to be learning and teaching…through words.
Some of the topics I’ll be writing about:
Motherhood/Parenthood
Personal growth and my transformational journey (just FYI I am still transforming)
Neurodiversity: Autism, ADHD, Neurodiversity affirming care + parenting
Life learnings
IFS (Internal Family Systems) my “parts” along with learnings from therapy (both individual and couples)
Human Design
Marriage and partnership
Mental Health: Anxiety + Depression + Postpartum Depression
Entrepreneurship
Lifestyle
Beyond blog posts I’ll also be sharing things I’m currently interested in- things like other people’s work, blogs, books, podcasts, music playlists, amazon finds, tools and resources that have been helpful in my journey and beyond.
I will also be sharing my writing through medium.com which you can find by clicking on the hyperlink.
I am going to let instagram take a backseat for the first time in my entrepreneurial career.
@paxthedood put me on the map. It showed me that I could create something from nothing.
It showed me that by following my heart and just having fun I could create more than I could have ever imagined.
And that’s what I want to do now.
I want to showcase writing and I want to do it my way and in long form.
What Nik Knows is the 2.0 version of the original Leader of the Pax blog (you can find by clicking this hyperlink drnikkisammet.com) and @paxthedood.
I started @paxthedood in 2017, stopped in 2019, and re-instated it in 2023. When I had returned to the account I was a different person and this is where we are now.
Blogging.
I will still be sharing on @paxthedood and my other social media accounts especially when new entries have come out but for the most part you can find me here.
All I want to do is plant seeds with hopes that someday you’ll be interested in watering them.
My goal is that we can grow and can create a better world, together.
One.step.at.a.time.
If you are still with me, I appreciate you reading this far and spending your energy digesting what I have written.
Here’s to the magic of new beginnings….Welcome to What Nik Knows.