Understanding and Navigating Big Feelings

After a long day in the sun on our beach vacation, our four-year-old was running on empty. He accidentally locked himself in his room and couldn’t get out while crying for a lost blue Hot Wheels car, leading to a full-blown meltdown.

Crying, kicking, desperately seeking touch while also pushing it away.

“Big feelings are okay! Big feelings are okay! Sad, happy, mad, and glad — so many things to feel, and I’m here with you,” I sang.

I learned this from Ms. Rachel, though I’m sure I butchered the lyrics.

He asked me to repeat it a few times, and I saw his breathing begin to calm. He wanted hugs and squeezes, and I stayed grounded in my own emotional regulation the entire time. I was there for him.

Meanwhile, my mom had Ms. Rachel on in the living room with my daughter. It just happened to be the “Learn About Emotions” episode.

As we sat on the couch, Ms. Rachel sang about big feelings. I reflected on Jake’s meltdown and how it was one version of big feelings, but also considered my own.

My mother sitting with my son, providing comfort, acceptance, and love, stirred up my own set of feelings.

Big feelings. They can feel overwhelming — whether it’s grief, sadness, anger, frustration, or even excitement. Feelings can sometimes feel like tunnel vision.

What I’ve learned is that feelings change. The way I feel in one moment won’t be how I feel in the next.

“I’m here to sit in your big feelings,” she says.

As children, that’s all we want — comfort. Someone to tell us it’s okay to feel the way we do.

When we’re told to stop crying or move on, we’re not learning what feelings are. Without learning this skill, we end up suppressing emotions, which can lead to even bigger feelings that are harder to regulate as we grow into adulthood.

Feelings are meant to be felt, experienced, and learned from.

And remember, you aren’t alone in your big feelings.